I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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