Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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