Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
