I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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