I am in a vortex of obligation.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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