Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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