Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
