I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
