I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
