I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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