White coat. Heels.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
