yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
