I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
