she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
