No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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