They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize