Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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