so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
