I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
