The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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