we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
