no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
