Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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