Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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