i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
