Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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