You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
