He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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