Can i not drive my cunt home
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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