If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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