just come out here and I will go home with you...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
