I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
