I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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