She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Holy sore nipples Batman
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
