so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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