It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
