he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
