I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
