How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
