My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
