I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
