WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
