the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
