I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
