Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
