Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
