Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
