I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
