You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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