It's Friday. Sex?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
