It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
