I wannas sexs uuuuu
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
