alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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