I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
