is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
