i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
