i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
