literally had 100 drinks last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
