i love accidental penises.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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