Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
