Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
