I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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