What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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