I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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