There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
