I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
