We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
